When we went to the Humane Society to pick up the potbellied pig that had been relinquished by the owner, we thought we were getting an ordinary potbellied pig.
Silly us.
Haven't we learned by now that NOTHING that joins our family is ever ordinary?
Hamlet talks.
Seriously. He talks. Unfortunately, he usually only talks when he is protesting.
For example, last night I put Bailey's dog food (which Hamlet loves) in the laundry room for her to eat. I put Hamlet's pig food (which he does NOT love) in the kitchen for him to eat. Smart plan, right? Thank you.
It worked for about three minutes. Until Hamlet paused in snarfing his food (even though he doesn't like it) long enough to hear Bailey crunching on hers.
His ears perked up. His head tilted to the side. And he was gone. That chubby, short-legged little creature can really move when food is being eaten by someone else!
As he ran, he grunted, as if to say, "You people tried to trick me! Gave me the disgusting pig food and gave HER the yummy dog food! No fair!" (No, that is not the talking I was referring to...)
I race to try to block him, but that little pig zoomed right past me. By the time I reached the laundry room, he was standing on his hind legs (so he could reach Bailey's food bowl) chowing down. All the while, he is saying, "Num num num num. Num num num num."
Seriously. Just like that.
I tell him to leave Bailey's food alone, and I give him a little prod with my foot to get his attention. He does not pause his eating. However, the "num num" changed to "no no."
"No no no no! No no no no!"
"Hamlet, come on. You have to eat your pig food!"
"No no no no!" Then, since he obviously thinks the matter is closed, he goes back to "Num num num num."
I lean down to pick him up. He SCREAMS "Yiiiiiii! Nooo nooo nooo nooo!" He continues to snarf.
Unabashed, I firmly put my hands around his chubby little body. As I start to pick him up, he screams again, "Yiiiiii!!!!!! Noooooo nooooo nooooo nooooo!"
Too bad, so sad. I'm bigger, so I carry him to the kitchen. I gently plop (Yes, plops can be gentle!) him down in front of his bowl. He snorts in obvious disgust, turns towards the laundry room, and is gone in a flash.
I am quicker this time. I get in front of him and block his path. He protests loudly.
"No no no no!" he insists. "No no no no!"
As he tries to dart past me, I stick my foot out to block him. More protests. "No no no no! No no no no!"
I shut the door to the laundry room. He stands by the door, his snout running along the bottom, saying quietly, "No no no no." Then he grunts as he walks back to his pig food.
Grumbling, he finishes eating his disgusting pig food. Then, he goes and hides under the table, pouting. He murmurs under his breath as he gives me the evil eye. (He has two different color eyes. I'm pretty sure his evil one is the one that is this odd ghostly shade of grayish blue...)
I ignore him.
Finally, Bailey finished eating. She scratched at the door to let me know (since she is NOT a talking dog), and I open the door to let her out.
Hamlet has been waiting for this moment.
Before you can say "piggy piggy," he is across the room. As he runs past me, I swear it sounded like he was snorting with laughter!
He runs to the dog food bowl saying "Num num num num!"
He stand up, braces himself with his front hooves, and looks in....at an empty bowl. He squeals in displeasure.
"No no no no!!! No no no no!!!"
He turns to look at me. As he drops to all fours and walks away in defeat, he clearly says, "Mom mom mom mom...."
I thought it was just my imagination until Zach said, "Did he just call you Mom?"
Hamlet looked up at me and sniffed in utter disbelief.
"Hamlet...you're supposed to eat pig food."
"Mom mom mom mom," he said, shaking his head as he walked away, dejected. "No no no no."
"Hamlet...."
He simply snorted.
I think he's giving me the silent treatment.
At least until it's time for breakfast.
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